It’s a quiet day at the office, thank God for that.

I will sneak out in 40 minutes and go to the nude beach, but this time alone, without my sweat Luka.

Luka & I are like beach icons.

Everyone knows me because I’m there a lot, but they also know me as the naked guy with the black dog. When I don’t show up with her, people that I don’t know stop and ask me if there is something wrong with her.

A photo for Grinder, hence why I am not naked

I am worried for her and of what they will find when they x-ray her legs tomorrow morning.

My latest pack member, Oz, had bone cancer, and she could also not lift herself. My vet told me it is unlikely that this is the case with Luka. It is still heartbreaking to watch her struggling to lift herself.

This morning I woke up and she was not in the bedroom.

Half a year ago, she learned to open the bedroom door with her nose. Some mornings I wake up, and I see her laying outside in the corridor.

Today, she was not there.

I called her, and there was no answer.

Suddenly I had a terrible fear; this is how it is going to be one day, she will be gone, forever.

I went to my home office, to the living room, to the guest bedroom and she was not there.

Finally, I went to the second floor, and there she was, and so happy to see me

“Silly girl,” I told her and kissed her sweet nose, “You made me worried sick for nothing.”

I guess she went upstairs to drink and then she got tired, she stayed there.

Since I can’t take her hiking or to the beach, I took her yesterday with my friends to the vegan burger joint.


She knows all of them.

My friends are probably for her, as the extended pack. She is so excited to see my friends. She was so excited that she forgot the pain and you could not tell that there was something wrong with her.

Tomorrow morning, at 11:40, I will take her in.

The vet is just one block from my apartment. They will sedate her and then play with her joints.

After that, her joints will be x-rayed. I guess I will have an answer very soon afterward.

She is only eight years old, and I can’t imagine my life without her. I will do anything to help her, no matter the cost.

I will not spear money trying to make it easier for her.

Crossing my fingers

I am so lonely at the beach without her by my side

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-sep2019 -2019