What have been the best and worst fucks of your life?
Looking back at my life and trying to come up with an answer to this question is going to be quite tricky. I've had so many incredible lovers but also countless disastrous encounters with guys who have failed to satisfy my ass or even worse.
However, it's easier to come up with an answer if I narrow down the time frame:
What have been my best and worst fucks of beach season 2020?
The season is far from over, but the clear winner, so far, is the unbelievable lovemaking I've had this week with a guy named Roy.
He fucked me in the pools for nearly 45 minutes while kissing me non-stop. It was so intense that after he'd loaded my ass with his honey and I'd emptied my balls, I felt exhausted.
His hard cock was only slightly bigger (but much thicker) than my flaccid cock in this photo
This post won't talk about how I traveled with Roy to heaven using my ass as our chariot.
I want to focus on the worst fuck of last year's season because, almost one year on, I've just met the guy who won the title:
"Worst top of 2019".
Perhaps even "Worst top of 2009-2019."
On Monday, it was so damn hot. I kept immersing myself in the sea to cool down and then sat on the sand in this posture (but with my right leg down).
I noticed that someone was approaching, but I'd only recently arrived at the beach and wasn't eager to get fucked at the moment so I closed my eyes and waited for him to pass.
"Theon, is that you? It's so nice to see you again. It's been a year!"
I opened my eyes, raised my head, and there he was:
The Yemenite guy with a huge, disappointing cock from last year. This year, however, he brought with him an awful stench of cheap perfume.
It wouldn't have mattered if he'd been using an expensive one!
I can't stand guys who use perfume or deodorant at the beach. The scent of the ocean is what I want to smell on a guy with whom I make love.
Last year, he wasn't using perfume probably because it wasn't scorching like today. Still, I couldn't bear that awful smell, which was a shame because he was a nice guy.
He was a nice guy, but a terrible lover.
"You know, it's so hot. Do you want to join me in the pools?"
In seconds, he stripped naked and proudly demonstrated his terrific, 8-inch dark breeding tool and his beautiful, big hairy balls.
It wasn't 8-inches long yet, but it was thick and beautiful, even in its flaccid state. I decided to give him and his seed-shooter another chance even though he'd failed my ass twice last year.
Soaking in the pools had cleared most of the stench, and we started talking.
"So, what's new with you, Theon? Your hole looks amazing, just like last year. You always look so fuckable."
I laughed and said: "That's because I am!"
I suddenly remembered that before his lousy sexual performance last year, we'd had a long, friendly chat.
I also noticed that he'd changed.
Last year, he was shy, and it took him a while to get naked. This year, he took off his clothes with ease and wasn't concerned that other people might see him.
“I’d forgotten how big and thick your cock is”, I told him.
It was a lie.
I never forget a good looking cock. A huge, black cock to me isn't just a good cock; it's a dream cock. The sight of his wet, thick cock resting on his hairy, flat stomach was breathtaking.
Then I turned on my stomach and spread my legs.
It was a clear invitation for him to start using my ass:
Unlike last year, he didn't waste time.
He started caressing my smooth ass right away. When he started playing with my love hole, I moaned loudly and turned my head to look at his cock.
My hole hadn't changed since last September and nor had his magnificent cock. It was as hard and as big as last year. I wanted to ride it straight away.
He came behind me and gently rubbed or pressed his love tool against my horny crack.
My heart was racing.
Was I going to experience closure to last year's horrible encounter with his cock?
Besides the physical excitement of feeling his gorgeous cock fucking me, it would have also made a terrific story for the blog. Of course, I wasn't thinking of my blog while his hammer was pressed against my horny ass.
All I wanted was for him to fuck me, slowly, then fast, and finally, for both of us to scream while he was busy filling my ass with his cream.
I already knew from last year that his hairy balls were loaded with rivers of cum.
Sadly, reality hit me in the face again.
...or to be more precise, just like last year, in the back of my head, my lower back and my ass.
Less than two minutes after he'd started rubbing his huge cock on my ass, I got splashes of burning-hot cum all over my backside. This was a slight improvement on last year when it had taken him less than a minute to drown me in his cum.
Once again, he failed my ass miserably.
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate cum all over my body...
...but not so quickly and certainly only after giving my ass a chance to enjoy as well.
"Theon, that was so hot. Just like last year! You are such an amazing lover."
"And you are not!!!" I thought to myself. But there was no point in educating him.
I'm not a sex therapist.
All I knew was that this had been, without a doubt, the last time that I'd be lending him my body for him to use as a carpet to shoot cum on it.
I published the story of our "lovemaking" 11 months ago under the title: "8 Disappointing Inches."
I can't believe I'd wasted over two hours on this guy last year. At least this year, it'd taken less before my body was covered with his seed.
Here's the story of our previous encounter:
I was lying naked on my stomach at the beach.
Very close to my ass was a dark, 8-inch, stunning cock connected to a handsome, lean sweet Yemenite guy.
On the back of my head, lower back, and ass were massive amounts of cum. The cum was leaking into my crack, wetting my smooth hole, and creaming my balls.
This was the second time that this handsome guy had shot his load all over me. The first time was on my face and my upper body.
And yet this was the worst lovemaking of the season, perhaps even of the decade.
My life isn't a porn movie, though it may seem so to some of my followers. However, meeting this Yementive yesterday could have been the stuff of a fantastic porn movie.
Here is my suggested script:
A very experienced bottom with a muscular smooth ass (me) next to a handsome virgin top with a massive 8-inch cock (him).
Both of them naked and horny at a remote, deserted, beautiful beach.
The two would talk, and finally, at sunset, the bottom would show the virgin top how amazing it is to fuck a guy. The top would make love to the bottom at least twice, and perhaps they would even end up dating each other.
Indeed, the first part of the script did happen:
Yesterday there were harsh winds at the beach. You had to find shelter because there was so much sand in the air.
I found some cover behind big rocks.
Then the Yemenite arrived. He was a tall, lean guy, 44-year-old, and quite handsome. We talked for a while, and I invited him over to sit next to me.
"You must shelter behind a rock or go home. It is impossible to stay here otherwise."
When he sat down and removed his clothes, he kept his bikini underwear on.
"Nice underwear," I told him.
"What kind are you wearing?"
"I always wear a jock."
"How can someone not know what a jock is?" I thought to myself. Naked, I took my jock, stood up, and put it on to show him how it looks.
"Wow, that's perfect. It gives your gorgeous ass a nice frame as if it's a wrapped present."
I took it off, making sure to bend while my ass was facing his face so he could get a quick glimpse of my hole.
I sat naked next to him and noticed that his package had almost doubled in size. Clearly, this guy was hiding, in his tight bikini underwear, a classic Yemenite cock.
What's one of those?
All Yemenite cocks that I've had the pleasure to serve have always been the same:
Big or gigantic
Apart from his big hidden cock that had got me drooling, I admired his body. He was lean with a hairy torso. I liked his face too.
We started talking and didn't stop for nearly two hours.
There was great chemistry going on between us. I could also tell he was horny because his cock kept growing and shrinking, and a prominent precum mark was expanding in his underwear.
However, he was a newbie to the gay world. Until a year ago, he had been determined to find a woman to marry.
"I'm attracted to both women and men. I miss an intimate connection with a man.
I can't have a close bond with a woman. Once the sex is over, I don't want to stay with her. I want to be with a guy in my daily life. I especially want us to hug after fucking him."
"When was the last time you fucked a guy?", I asked
"I haven't yet, I'm cherishing it. I want my first time to be with someone whom I like a lot or even love. Someone who is going to be special for me. I want to get to know him before I fuck him."
As far as knowing him before he fucked my ass, I was done. It was about time that I started "knowing" his huge cock.
"Let's take a swim."
He removed his underwear with one swoop, and his big cock flapped up and down. A silky drop of precum flew in the air. I felt like catching it with my thirsty mouth.
His cock was unlike any other cock I'd seen for quite a while. It was sculptured to perfection. I started fantasizing about licking, sucking, touching, and eventually feeling it shooting seed deep into my love tunnel.
His cock wasn't hard at this point.
It got smaller compared to when it was hidden. Being naked in a public place with another man was a new experience for him. I guessed he was nervous.
We took a quick swim because the wind was blowing hard. I regretted that I wasn't blowing him instead. I made sure to walk in front of him all the time, so he could see my muscular wet ass and desire it.
When we were walking back to our hideout, he finally touched me.
More accurately, he felt my wet ass.
He put his left hand gently on my right wet ass cheek.
"You have such a gorgeous ass, and when it's wet, it's almost irresistible."
"Thank you; your cock is a real beauty, a rare one."
"You think so?!"
"Have you been with many guys?"
I felt that we'd better sit down before telling him. This guy was so naive. I told him about a few of my last beach fucks.
"Damn, you get fucked a lot!"
"Compared to you, I'm a world-class hooker, but you’ve hardly had any sex, so you can't compare us."
"Don't you want to find someone special? Are you not looking to date?"
After he'd said that, he put his hand on my wet leg and looked into my eyes. My cock got hard instantly.
I'd closed my eyes and moaned softly.
I was hoping it would stop this silly discussion about dating. I was beyond talking at this point. I wanted to feel him constructing deep inside my ass a wide highway with his name on it.
"Theon, you have such beautiful eyes, why did you close them?"
I wanted to tell him:
"You idiot: I closed my eyes because I wanted you to stop talking and open my love hole instead."
However, I opened them and smiled at him. God, he was so cute.
He kept on talking.
"You know, we get older. You aren't going to remain so fuckable and beautiful. If you don't find someone, you will end up alone and unattractive. What will you do then?"
I couldn't agree less with his point of view.
I'm an optimistic guy but also realistic. Looks diminish, our bodies wither with time. But I refuse to be desperate about finding a partner.
Suddenly it hit me. As lovely as he was, the word "Project" was written in bold all over his magnificent huge cock.
"I needed to be in control," he told me, "I decided not to have sex with men because I'd wanted to marry a woman."
"It's a good thing you have no control over your beautiful cock," I said, pointing to his hard cock that hadn’t stopped leaking cum on to his left upper leg ever since returning from our swim.
"Yes, I have no control over my tool, but that's because you are so sexy. From what I can see, you also can't control your hard-on."
"That's because I don't want to. Why should I stop my cock from getting hard? I find your cock and you practically irresistible."
With an ordinary guy I wouldn't have uttered these words.
Instead, I'd have jumped on his massive cock and started using it to pleasure my horny hole. But I felt that something was weird here.
Something just wasn't right.
I was first fucked when I was 16, so my bottom's instincts are quite good after so many years of entertaining cocks deep in my ass. These instincts were screaming at me:
"Something is wrong with this guy."
Sure, he was inexperienced, but he was back from doing anything.
I was naked and wet.
My cock was hard,
My ass, as he'd said, was "fuckable and irresistible."
His huge, cum-dripping, Yemenite cock was hard as well.
And yet, he didn't do anything.
I've been with virgins before.
Other virgins didn't resist themselves when I presented my love hole to them. Instead, they got on with it:
They touched my ass,
They played with my hole,
They were eager to fuck me.
Being in the closet didn't change the fact they were eager to fuck my ass. It probably made them even more lustful, if anything,
We kept talking for another hour while his cock kept leaking cum. Finally, and I don't remember how it came up, I mentioned that I give amazing head.
Suddenly, he found his big balls.
"Do you want to prove that on my cock?"
When I brought my eager lips closer to his cock, he got hard straight away. I looked at his fantastic breeding tool.
I was sitting where I am in this photo when I started serving his cock
"Damn, you have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to take care of your cock ever since I saw you."
"I just wanted to get to know you first."
"Enough talking," I thought to myself and started to blow him very gently.
I sensed that this was what would give him the most pleasure. After a minute, I gently started playing with his big hairy balls while licking his huge cock. I kissed the base and went very slowly with my tongue dancing on his hammer until his perfect, black, colossal mushroom was once again in my mouth,
"Stop, I'm about to cum."
"About to cum?"
I’d only just started!
He made me lie on my back and came on top of me, sitting between my legs. He held both our hard cocks together and delicately rubbed them against each other.
His amazing cock towered mine.
It was a beautiful sight: A thick, black cock pressed against my red, less thick cock. It was nice that he was finally taking the lead.
Then, without any warning, I started getting splashes of burning hot cum on my face and then a few more on my upper body. Except for a soft moan at the start of his cum-show, there was no early warning that I was about to get his love juices on my lips and nipples.
All that in only five minutes!
I wasn't going to complain, however, since I love cum - and his was exceptionally hot and quite tasty. I rubbed it all over my body, then used it to finger myself, while licking some off my face.
He looked at me, amazed.
"You like cum so much, ha?"
"I like it even more when it's in my ass."
We went to clean in the ocean.
"Do you want soap?"
"I always clean myself with soap after cumming."
The warning bells in my head now became loud cathedral bells.
When we went to the sea to clean, I'd noticed not too far away from us, a couple fucking. The bottom had his legs on the top's shoulders. I felt very jealous of the bottom. I wanted to get fucked just like that.
On returning to our towels, I had to say something.
"I guess my oral skills were extraordinary since you shot your load so quickly."
"You're amazing and exceptionally sexy. I was also very horny. Don't worry, in 10 minutes I will be hard again."
His promise of getting hard again so soon brought new hope to my horny love hole. A top with an amazing cock ready for the second round in no time is a bottom's ultimate fantasy.
I thought to myself:
During the first time, he was horny and excited. It must have been a new experience for him to rub his giant cock against another one. Now we are going to take our time.
I will teach him how beautiful it is to fuck another man.
It was true, In 10 minutes, his cock got hard again. It was magic. It was almost unnatural for someone to get hard again so quickly, especially at his age (44).
During our previous chat he told me how much he loves to caress another guy. I decided to use this information to my advantage.
I turned over on to my stomach and spread my legs.
"Do you want to caress my back and my ass for a while?"
"Sure, I'd love to; you have such a beautiful, relatively smooth body. I'm especially attracted to your sexy, smooth ass."
"My hole is also smooth. Feel free to play with it as you please."
In my head, I already knew how things were about to happen:
He would caress my back, then take care of my ass. Eventually, he would play with my crack and insert his long fingers inside. He would touch my warm hole while still caressing my ass with his other hand.
Finally, he would spread my smooth ass cheeks and view my love hole. It may well be the first time that he sees a man's hole so close and exposed.
I would encourage him to inspect my opening.
I would moan loudly on receiving his fingers inside my fuckable ass and he would be surprised at the heat within.
At a certain point, I would lube my open hole and his cum-dripping colossal cock. Then I would gently guide his sculptured black mushroom to my pink hole and open the gates of heaven for both of us.
And I thought that, once his cock was inside my muscular ass, fucking my hot-as-hell heaven, he would create a new river of milk and honey inside my love tunnel.
That was my plan for the next hour until sunset.
The plan was developing nicely.
He caressed my back.
He lightly touched my ass.
When his left hand started touching my smooth ass, in seconds, and without warning, I got a splash of hot cum on my skull, then a few more on my lower back and then many more small, hot cum droplets on my ass.
He shot, even more, this second time, and it was so quick that I didn't have a chance to get fully hard.
"Let's clean," I told him.
"Do you want soap? you have so much cum on you."
Returning to our hideout, he said:
"If we have more time, I can manage a third round."
Certainly not, I thought to myself. Sex with him had been horrendous.
I was dealing with a premature ejaculator. The first time was understandable. It happens a lot with virgins.
Once, a sexy 19-year-old virgin shot his load all over my ass. It happened just from getting his cock close to my crack. I remember it quite well because he was embarrassed about his performance as a lover.
I told him that it was a beautiful compliment for me that he had got so excited.
We hugged, talked, and waited for half an hour. Then, he got hard again and fantastically fucked me for a long time. Unlike that 19-year-old, this Yemenite drowned me in his cum, twice, and prematurely.
No way was I going to let him do it again.
"You know what? It's getting late and I was planning on taking some photos anyway."
When he left, I took several photos.
I think my facial expression and my disappointed cock say it all.
I stayed after sunset and took this nice silky ocean shot as well.
While walking back, I saw an enormous cock sculpture (it's hard to figure out how big it was from the photo).
The couple whom we’d seen fucking must have made it.
There'd been no one else at the beach but them. I was so horny that I considered sitting on this cock.
It was big, thick, and the balls were gigantic.
In the testicles, there must have been gallons of cum. Just what I needed for my thirsty ass. But I knew this cock would crumble the minute I pressed my muscular ass against it.
"Another dysfunctional cock," I thought to myself
...just like the one I’d been with, in fact!