Last night, I dreamt about Eddie, my beach friend and fuck buddy who's dying from pancreatic cancer.
I wrote about our latest encounter here:
Life is fragile! Don't put aside your dreams and hopes
I must have dreamt about him because of the many messages that I'd received regarding him.
Here's one:
"Sad to hear about Eddie, it's a shame, someone so dear that makes you happy has to fight to stay alive. I believe in God, but I wonder sometimes why is it that all the nice people in our lives, have to be recalled by their maker, before their time. But that is life, and we have to make the best of it, maybe it's God's way of making us a stronger person. "
I too am a believer but also don't have all the answers.
All I know is that God has a different concept of justice compared to ours. Eddie has lived to be over 70, but young kids die all the time.
Where's the justice in that?
Three years ago I suffered neurological damage that has left me 30% disabled.
Not a single day passes without me thinking about it, especially at the nudist beach.
Where's the justice in that?
But, I try to live, love, and be loved every day of my life. I think it's the best way to deal with what we view as injustice and cruelty.
As for Eddie, I haven't seen him since I wrote that blog post.
I'll probably never experience again his terrific cock fucking me in doggie and making me laugh right after we're done.
He fucked me for the last time in April, close to this spot.
How can I check up on him?
You have to understand that, even though we were very close at the beach and he seeded me many times, I have no way of contacting him.
He's married and has two sons, one daughter, and four grandchildren. No one in his family knows of his desire to fuck guys, preferably much younger than him.
Like many other married guys, Eddie came to the beach to find comfort and relaxation in the arms and ass of another man.
Most married men disappear seconds after their orgasm. They feel ashamed and rush back to their wives. However, Eddie used to stay and talk with me even after he'd finished enjoying my ass.
That's part of the reason why I like him so much.
By the way, my boyfriend, Felix, knows of him.
I usually don't share details about the men I have sex with, but I told him about Eddie since he's dear to me.
The reason I don't tell Felix about other guys is that there's nothing to tell. No matter how fun the act is, it's just sex. Telling Felix about the guy I sucked off at the beach is like telling him what I had for lunch.
It's just a physical act to satisfy the needs of my body.
I also don't want to make Felix jealous...
...especially since Felix admitted two months ago that part of the reason we'd had a severe argument was that he'd suddenly realized that his growing love for me had made him jealous.
In his own words:
"I went to your blog and saw photos of a guy butt-fucking my boyfriend. I looked at one photo and thought: that's my boyfriend, Theon, getting fucked by another man. Then I read that the guy who took the photo had also fucked you. I felt jealous and frustrated."
He was referring to this photo.
I don't do jealousy, and I don't allow anyone to control my life and tell me what I should or shouldn't do.
Felix knows that, so he didn't even try to tell me about his feelings because he knew I would never stop having sex with other guys.
He struggled with his feelings for quite some time.
While hiking, Felix told me more about how he'd felt:
"And then I realized that it meant nothing if another guy is breeding you. It makes no difference because to me, you are:
Sweet
Smart
Sexy
Slutty
Shameless
I love you so much, and I don't care about your being a slut when you need to. I love all of you, even the parts that I sometimes find hard to understand or accept."
One of the things that Felix doesn't understand is the fact I enjoy when a mature guy is fucking me.
What can I say? I find the notion of a thick, older cock, opening my love hole quite exciting.
For example, I'd love to have this 60-year-old admirer's cock fuck me for hours.
Ever since Felix shared his feelings with me, our relationship has improved considerably.
We loved each other a lot even before, but now, it's so much better. I'm not talking just about sex, but everything else too.
I invited Felix for a "date" night on my roof terrace last Friday. I prepared the meal, and Felix brought weed and beer.
What did I make?
Spicy Mexican bean soup
Small roasted potatoes
Vegan schnitzels
Home-made tahini
Grilled aubergine
And for dessert:
Home-made vegan chocolate ice cream.
And I bought a chocolate vegan Kürtőskalács
While eating, I told Felix about the disgusting guy who'd bothered me the last time I was at the nudist beach.
I hadn’t seen him at the nudist beach for six years.
Six years ago, I was in the shallow pools. He came over, sat next to me, and started playing with his (albeit impressive) penis. I tried to ignore him, but as on Grindr, he didn't care that I'd no desire for him.
Eventually, I got so mad that I yelled at him and told him to leave me the fuck alone!
Even though that happened six years ago, it was 13 years ago that he first tried to get an opportunity to shove his thick cock into my hole.
Once a year, he opens a new Grindr account with the same description and photos (from 13 years ago!). He even chooses the same nickname.
Shortly after opening a new profile, he sends me a message.
It's always the exact text: "I'm so attracted to you. You have the most beautiful ass. I want to fuck you so bad."
And my response?
It's also always the same: I block him right away.
Why don't I tell him that I don't find him attractive?
I tried telling him during the first five years. I've said it politely, aggressively, logically, insultingly - to no avail. Therefore, I no longer bother.
I simply block him immediately.
Last Thursday, shortly before he'd started bothering me, the reunion (read: incredible fuck) between Jonas, a 55-year-old Swiss stud, and me had just ended.
The last time he'd fucked me was almost exactly one year ago.
I could write an entire novel about how Jonas made love to every inch of my body.
After he'd left, I felt as if I was walking on air, floating.
But then I saw the disgusting guy arriving. It was like being thrown from Heaven to Hell.
At least that time he didn't try sitting next to me.
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Instead, he sat 30 feet away from me, got naked, and promptly started to masturbate. At first, I tried to ignore his disturbing behavior, but, as time passed, I became angrier.
He kept on staring at my naked body while masturbating.
I put on a speedo to prevent him from looking at my private parts.
But, that didn't stop his rude behavior.
Each time he got close to shooting his seed, he stopped masturbating. He waited a few minutes until his penis had lost its erection and then started all over again.
I wanted to tell him: "I'm about to go north, out of your sight. I'm sure you will pack your things and leave, after which, I'll return to this very spot. Why don't you save me the trouble of packing my things, leaving and returning, and get the fuck away right now?"
But I'm too nice a guy.
Therefore, I went north, he packed his things, left, and then I returned to my spot.
On finishing my story (I didn't tell Felix about the Swiss stud), Felix said: "That's awful!!! Didn't you have any luck at the beach that day?"
"My luck improved two hours later," I answered.
Felix took a sip from his beer and said: "Do tell!"
Two hours later, I was sitting half a mile south, leaning on my backpack and sleeping. I wore a hat and sunglasses as I always do. Every few minutes, I woke up and fell asleep again.
During one of my wakeups, I noticed a young guy, probably in his mid-20s, coming over.
He was wearing a tight swimsuit and had a fantastic body. I liked his overall appearance, even though he was too smooth for my taste.
On approaching me, he slowed down, and I saw his facial expression while observing my body & cock.
He had no idea that I was no longer sleeping.
When he was standing close to me, he remained still and started playing with his cock. On seeing it, my cock reacted immediately.
My cock didn't stop until it was fully erect.
There was no more point in pretending I was asleep. Therefore I told him: "Why don't you get naked?"
"I'm not as brave as you," he said. "This is my first time at this beach. It's amazing to see so many naked, sexy guys."
"So many?" I laughed. "Before Covid there’d have been hundreds of naked men here at this time of year!”
"You're so sexy," he said. "I"m sure you'd have had a lot of fun back then."
"I still do!” I replied, smiling.
He looked at my hard cock as if he was trying to decide what to do next. I didn't want him to leave since I wanted to see his thick cock and then suck or ride it.
"Are you still going to be here when I return?" he finally asked.
"Where are you going?"
He pointed north to the shallow pools. "I merely want to see what's on the other part of the beach. But I'll be back soon."
"I'm here till sunset," I assured him.
I watched him walking north and was somewhat amused.
He reminded me so much of myself when I'd first discovered the nudist beach. My hormones were running wild (16 years ago they were naturally wilder than today).
Then I wanted to suck and get fucked by every cock.
Until my first visit, I'd never seen so many naked guys before at the same place. The fact it was outdoors made it feel like a dream!
That's why I wasn't upset that he left my hard cock in search of others.
When he returned, fifteen minutes later, I was standing by the sea. He didn't waste time and instantly grabbed my cock.
By that time, my penis was no longer hard.
"You're hot," he told me while still holding my cock and playing with my sensitive balls. "Your cock is impressive. I want to suck it so bad!"
When a guy focuses on my cock, like he did, I always turn around to make sure he understands that he should be focusing on my ass instead.
Even though I'd already sensed that this young stud was a bottom like me, I turned around anyway.
"I don't fancy getting a blowjob," I told him and bent over. "However, feel free to play with my ass and hole."
"Really? Are you kidding me? I honestly would give anything to suck your cock!"
I laughed, "...and I would give anything to suck yours or, at least, see it!"
Felix interrupted my story: "This makes me very happy because I know each time you let me suck your cock, you do it for me because you know how much I enjoy it."
I smiled, "...and also because you do it quite well and always fuck me right after."
"So what happened next with this young guy?" Felix asked.
"Nothing," I said. "He left in search of another cock to suck. I'm sure he found plenty in the southern part of the beach."
On finishing our meal, I told Felix that, since it was a date night, I couldn’t wait for him to make love to my ass.
Felix yawned: "Not tonight, honey. I'm too tired."
"You should have told me that before I made all that food!"
Felix smiled and looked deep into my eyes: "Do you know how much I love you?"
"I love you too," I replied, "but sometimes I'm nervous that you might return to the States and leave me."
Felix's family lives in Colorado and Oregon. He goes there once a year.
Here's a photo of him hiking in Colorado:
And another photo of him in a place called "The Sand Dunes."
Felix came over and hugged me: "I'm never going to leave you! Are you crazy? You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You make my life so much better. I love being with you and spending time with you. I enjoy your stories and your wisdom."