In a previous blog post, I described my fears about getting older.
In case you missed it, here's the link to it:
My last fear was about losing the ability to get hard.
Even at my relatively young age, I can tell there's a difference compared to when I was younger.
For example, When I was 16, my cock would get hard for no reason. I only had to give my love hole a gentle touch, and boom: My cock would rise and stay like that for an absurd length of time.
Actually, that's not how it used to be.
In truth, I just had to think about someone touching my hole to get an instant boner.
Nowadays, I need more than just a random thought about getting fucked to arouse my cock.
I need to physically stimulate my hole by fingering it to get the same effect.
Although, sometimes, even a simple message from an admirer is enough to wake up my cock.
Like the one I got today from a 19-year-old soldier:
"I just wanted to let you know that I shoot my load every day, at least once, while looking at your amazing videos and sexy body.
I'd love to fuck you one day."
My cock reacted instantly.
I shared this photo with him and promised him I'd be honored to be the first guy that he fucks.
Most guys that fuck me are, of course, older than 19.
I also get fucked by guys older than me.
I often witness how they have a hard time (pun intend) to get their cock ready to open my hungry ass. Younger guys get hard and slide into my ass in a matter of seconds while older guys struggle (and sometimes fail) to get hard enough to force my ass to open.
As for myself, I'm no longer worried about losing my erection in older age.
First of all, my morning boners are a dream and last for a long time.
As long as I'm in bed, I stay hard.
That's the best indication that my cock is in excellent condition and will probably be for many more years.
More importantly, I'm a bottom.
I don't face pressure to get hard when someone is impatiently waiting for me in doggie and begging to get fucked.
Nevertheless, there was a time when I was terrified of losing my ability to get hard.
That was after my brain injury.
The neurologist assured me that my brain damage shouldn't affect my ability to get hard and enjoy sex. But, during the first months after my injury, I was terrified of my body.
I was afraid I’d never get hard, get fucked, or enjoy an orgasm.
My orgasms are potent, and I was afraid that experiencing an orgasm might trigger a chain of events in my brain that could cause another injury.
I shared these fears with my neurologist.
He told me that my concerns are baseless and that fear and pressure are risk factors to what was left of my brain. If anything, I should have lots of sex because it's proven to reduce anxiety and tension.
I knew he was right, but I was still nervous.
I was so scared that I didn't use my cock for anything other than peeing for several months after my injury. At times my cock was so small that I cried just from looking at it.
During that time, I took many headless photos because I felt unattractive and miserable.
I didn't want to look at my face and see the sadness and fear in my eyes.
A few times, I tried to get hard by playing with my love hole.
As you can see, it made my cock somewhat bigger, but not by much.
I also tried to stimulate my cock.
In this photo, I tried doing it straight after I got back from work.
As you can see, no matter how I tried, my cock didn't get hard.
I guess a part of it had to do with the fact I was taking a substantial daily dosage of steroids to treat the swelling in my skull. My entire body felt like shit because the side effects were so horrid.
It also had given me terrible mood swings.
I sometimes started crying over nothing.
After three months, I was no longer taking meds and started to feel somewhat better. I invited a fuck buddy over to work out with me.
His name was Daniel, and he's been my fuck buddy for over eight years. We only fucked a few times a year, but he's always been a gentle, loving sex partner.
That's why I chose him to be the first guy to teach me how to enjoy my ass after such a long time.
I knew that he'd be patient enough and help me learn how to enjoy getting fucked again. I wasn't sure if I was ready to experience an orgasm.
I wanted to feel a hard, thick penis taking control over my smooth ass.
Besides, I desperately wanted to feel my cock getting hard and feel my hole begging to get fucked even if his visit wouldn't result in his cum leaking from my love hole.
I wanted to feel alive again.
Daniel knew about my condition because he’d contacted me a month before my invitation.
I shared my situation with him because I didn't want to lie. In the past, each time he'd contacted me, we'd ended up fucking. I felt too weak to make up an excuse.
Daniel reacted just as I'd expected. After showing his sympathy and sorrow for what had happened to me, he said:
"When you're ready to enjoy my cock, let me know. I'll be happy to come over and be with you."
A month after that conversation, we were standing in my home gym.
I wanted to undress slowly and get used to being around a sexy guy again. Even though I'd discussed it with him, Daniel wasn't aware of how intense my fears were.