In a previous blog post, I described my fears about getting older.
In case you missed it, here's the link to it:
My last fear was about losing the ability to get hard.
Even at my relatively young age, I can tell there's a difference compared to when I was younger.
For example, When I was 16, my cock would get hard for no reason. I only had to give my love hole a gentle touch, and boom: My cock would rise and stay like that for an absurd length of time.
Actually, that's not how it used to be.
In truth, I just had to think about someone touching my hole to get an instant boner.
Nowadays, I need more than just a random thought about getting fucked to arouse my cock.
I need to physically stimulate my hole by fingering it to get the same effect.
Although, sometimes, even a simple message from an admirer is enough to wake up my cock.
Like the one I got today from a 19-year-old soldier:
"I just wanted to let you know that I shoot my load every day, at least once, while looking at your amazing videos and sexy body.
I'd love to fuck you one day."
My cock reacted instantly.
I shared this photo with him and promised him I'd be honored to be the first guy that he fucks.
Most guys that fuck me are, of course, older than 19.
I also get fucked by guys older than me.
I often witness how they have a hard time (pun intend) to get their cock ready to open my hungry ass. Younger guys get hard and slide into my ass in a matter of seconds while older guys struggle (and sometimes fail) to get hard enough to force my ass to open.
As for myself, I'm no longer worried about losing my erection in older age.
First of all, my morning boners are a dream and last for a long time.
As long as I'm in bed, I stay hard.
That's the best indication that my cock is in excellent condition and will probably be for many more years.
More importantly, I'm a bottom.
I don't face pressure to get hard when someone is impatiently waiting for me in doggie and begging to get fucked.
Nevertheless, there was a time when I was terrified of losing my ability to get hard.
That was after my brain injury.
The neurologist assured me that my brain damage shouldn't affect my ability to get hard and enjoy sex. But, during the first months after my injury, I was terrified of my body.
I was afraid I’d never get hard, get fucked, or enjoy an orgasm.
My orgasms are potent, and I was afraid that experiencing an orgasm might trigger a chain of events in my brain that could cause another injury.
I shared these fears with my neurologist.
He told me that my concerns are baseless and that fear and pressure are risk factors to what was left of my brain. If anything, I should have lots of sex because it's proven to reduce anxiety and tension.
I knew he was right, but I was still nervous.
I was so scared that I didn't use my cock for anything other than peeing for several months after my injury. At times my cock was so small that I cried just from looking at it.
During that time, I took many headless photos because I felt unattractive and miserable.
I didn't want to look at my face and see the sadness and fear in my eyes.
A few times, I tried to get hard by playing with my love hole.
As you can see, it made my cock somewhat bigger, but not by much.
I also tried to stimulate my cock.
In this photo, I tried doing it straight after I got back from work.
As you can see, no matter how I tried, my cock didn't get hard.
I guess a part of it had to do with the fact I was taking a substantial daily dosage of steroids to treat the swelling in my skull. My entire body felt like shit because the side effects were so horrid.
It also had given me terrible mood swings.
I sometimes started crying over nothing.
After three months, I was no longer taking meds and started to feel somewhat better. I invited a fuck buddy over to work out with me.
His name was Daniel, and he's been my fuck buddy for over eight years. We only fucked a few times a year, but he's always been a gentle, loving sex partner.
That's why I chose him to be the first guy to teach me how to enjoy my ass after such a long time.
I knew that he'd be patient enough and help me learn how to enjoy getting fucked again. I wasn't sure if I was ready to experience an orgasm.
I wanted to feel a hard, thick penis taking control over my smooth ass.
Besides, I desperately wanted to feel my cock getting hard and feel my hole begging to get fucked even if his visit wouldn't result in his cum leaking from my love hole.
I wanted to feel alive again.
Daniel knew about my condition because he’d contacted me a month before my invitation.
I shared my situation with him because I didn't want to lie. In the past, each time he'd contacted me, we'd ended up fucking. I felt too weak to make up an excuse.
Daniel reacted just as I'd expected. After showing his sympathy and sorrow for what had happened to me, he said:
"When you're ready to enjoy my cock, let me know. I'll be happy to come over and be with you."
A month after that conversation, we were standing in my home gym.
I wanted to undress slowly and get used to being around a sexy guy again. Even though I'd discussed it with him, Daniel wasn't aware of how intense my fears were.
Therefore, he tried to strip me naked the minute we entered the gym.
"Damn, that hot ass," he said, grabbing both my ass cheeks.
"Don't you want to work out first, before working on my ass?"
"I'm not sure," he replied, "Your hot ass makes me so horny."
He didn't need to tell me that because I could see that his terrific breeding tool was hard in his shorts. Suddenly, my idea of slowly getting used to a horny guy who needed my ass seemed stupid.
I wanted to serve Daniel's cock and give him my body. I pulled down my sweat pants and leaned on the sofa, offering him my love hole.
"So how about now?" I asked him. "Do you still want to work out?"
"You know I can't resist your ass, Theon; no one can," he replied, pulling his shorts and underwear down.
I moaned when I saw his hard cock.
It was the first one I'd seen in 4 months. Daniel's shaven, big balls were full of so much cum - I could tell.
The first thing Daniel did was to eat my love hole.
On feeling his loving lips kissing my smooth hole, I moaned and trembled. My heart was racing, and I sensed that I was about to faint. Part of it was because of the excitement, and the other part was because of the meds' side effects.
My heart rate was above 120, while he was eating my hole.
Daniel spread my ass cheeks and took a good look at my anus.
"Theon, your smooth hole is a colorful piece of art. I can't believe you haven't been fucked in the last four months."
"I haven't emptied my balls since my injury."
The minute I said it, I regretted it. For someone whose balls were so full, my cock should have been rock hard from excitement.
But it wasn't.
My balls were full of cum, but my mind was full of fears, feelings, and emotions.
I couldn't let my mind relax while Daniel was eating my ass. Someone was about to make love to my hole as if nothing had happened to me since October.
But something did happen.
My body and my brain weren't functioning well, even though Daniel was unaware. But he would have known had I turned around and showed him my soft cock.
Daniel is a 100% top, and he'd never shown a particular interest in my thick cock. That was also why I chose him to be my first lover after such a long time.
Instead of grabbing my cock, he made me take off my shirt.
And right after that, he started to massage my hole with his massive cockhead while pulling on my jockstrap.
I knew that soon he would try to fuck me.
In the past, I'd felt so comfortable and at ease with him that sometimes spit alone had been enough to help me loosen up and let his stick take control over my ass.
But that afternoon, I was neither comfortable nor at ease.
"Let's fuck in the jacuzzi," I suggested.
"Awesome idea. It's so amazing to fuck you with the bubbles all around us."
"You go first; I'll be right there."
I watched Daniel getting naked. He was such a beautiful stud with a muscular upper body, strong hairy legs, and a lovely furry ass.
His cock was still hard and proud.
I suddenly remembered how I loved to hold onto his muscular ass while his cum was shooting deep into mine.
But even that thought wasn't enough to make me hard.
I sighed and went to the jacuzzi, where Daniel was already smoking a joint. He shared it with me, and it made me feel more relaxed. I tried to forget that the last fuck I'd had right here, with two sexy studs.
That was the night before my injury. I believe that that wild night with them had a lot to do with what happened to my brain.
I knew I had to share my fears with Daniel.
"Daniel, you're a beautiful, sexy guy and an amazing lover. But I'm still nervous about allowing you to fuck me. Please try to understand. I have a lot of fear, and I don't feel so attractive right now."
Before answering, Daniel gave me a long passionate kiss.
"I'm so so so sorry. Honey, it's in all your head. You are as fuckable as ever. Look at you! I can see how sad you are, but you're beautiful and sexy even after everything you've been through."
That was so sweet of him that I leaned and we kissed again for a long time.
Then I reached down to his cock and massive balls. His cock was still hard. On feeling my fingers, Daniel moaned, and I felt his cock growing some more.
"You see?" Daniel said, "I'm so horny next to your hot naked body."
We finished the joint, and Daniel got out to take a shower.
I stayed and tried to decide if I was ready to get fucked. I wanted it so badly, and yet I was still scared. I knew that Daniel was the perfect choice to help me return to being a horny submissive bottom, just like I used to be before my injury.
Daniel returned, wearing a blue robe. It was getting colder.
"Aren't you going to take a shower?" he asked me.
"No, not yet. I thought you'd be interested in playing with my wet hole first." I replied while spreading my ass cheeks and showing him my already loose hole.
Daniel didn't hesitate for a second.
He opened his robe and showed me his hard cock, which was leaking precum. I moaned on seeing it.
He dropped the robe to the floor, jumped back in, and immediately started touching my hole. On feeling his fingers playing with my wet hole, I nearly screamed because it felt so good.
We were kissing lovingly and passionately while he massaged my love hole very gently, and every few seconds pressed it with his fingers making me tremble, moan and beg him to use my ass.
I raised my body out of the water and positioned myself in doggie.
I didn't have to tell Daniel what I was expecting him to do.
Daniel spread my cheeks and dived in with his tongue while massaging my cum-loaded balls.
I kept moaning, nearly crying from pleasure. I didn't care that my cock wasn't hard. Whatever Daniel was doing to my ass was like the sun and the moon exploding together inside it.
After what had seemed like an eternity, Daniel gave my ass a few good spankings because he knew very well how I enjoy it. Then I felt his fingers trying to explore the depths of my ass.
In the past, he'd fingered me with three, sometimes even four fingers, but my ass was too tight after such a long time.
"Daniel, only one finger this time. Remember, I haven’t been fucked for a few months."
"Anything for your hot ass, babe."
My love tunnel was so sensitive that Daniel's finger was more than enough to get me screaming and begging for more.
When he curved his finger and pressed on my prostate with rapid taps, my heart rate must have been 150.
And that was dangerous for my brain.
It was way too much for my body to handle. The joint, the excitement, the heat of the jacuzzi, and the meds' side effects were dangerous combinations.
"It's too hot for me," I told him, "I want you to fuck me in the bedroom."
On our way downstairs, we were continually kissing, while Daniel kept finger fucking me.
I knew he wanted my hole badly.
I just wasn't sure if my ass could handle his thick cock.
When we reached the bedroom, Daniel practically lifted me onto the bed and made me lie face down.
He ate my hole a little bit longer but very quickly attempted to take control over my ass with his thick breeding tool. He used a lot of silicone-based lube for both his cock and my love hole.
I turned my head once and looked at his cock and muscular upper body. What grabbed my attention was the precum that was oozing from his cock. I wanted to serve it with my mouth and taste his love juices, but Daniel was way past the point of needing my mouth.
He needed my ass, badly.
I turned my head back, took a deep breath, and prepared myself to serve his thick cock with my submissive ass.
"I've done it so many times," I said to myself. "His cock will be deep in my ass very quickly."
When his lubed tool started entering my tunnel of love, it was a bit painful. When my ass had taken only 3 inches of his thick hammer, the pain was unbearable.
I was so nervous that my ass was extra tight.
I always pride myself on my ability to take any cock very quickly. Before my injury, a cock as thick as Daniel's would have taken my ass only a minute to swallow entirely.
But now, it felt as though I’d never been fucked before.
I was unable to relax my ass and let him use it for his enjoyment.
It was my mistake because I was so confident of my skillful ass that I hadn’t bothered to try opening it first with one of my dildos or anal vibrators.
When Daniel returned to fuck me two weeks later, I made sure that I could take his cock before his arrival.
But now it was too late for that.
I asked Daniel to take his amazing cock out of my love tunnel. Daniel seemed disappointed, and I couldn't blame him. He remembered how professionally and lovingly my ass had treated his cock during the previous eight years.
"It's not you. You are amazing, and your cock is incredible. You've been more than perfect."
I couldn't offer Daniel my ass, but I wasn't going to let his thick cock leave my apartment unsatisfied either.
In no time, I started sucking on his terrific tool.
It was the first cock that I'd sucked since my injury, and it was the best thing ever.
I didn't bother playing with my cock while he fucked my face because I knew it wouldn't get hard. My heart was once again racing, and my head was full of too many thoughts and emotions.
Daniel was so horny and ready to shoot his load that in a matter of minutes after I'd started blowing him, he yelled, and I felt a sea of hot cum flooding my mouth.
I usually drink some and spit the rest out to be used as a lube to help me come. However, since I wasn't going to come, I swallowed some of it and saved the rest in my mouth.
We kissed passionately right after Daniel had given me his manly gift, and I let him taste his sweet cum.
He was holding my ass cheeks while we kissed; it felt so romantic. We stopped kissing, and he looked into my eyes:
"Theon, that was incredible, but what about you?"
"I'm not ready yet. It'll take me some more time before I'm ready to experience an orgasm."
"I'm sorry, cutie. Just let me know when you want us to try again."
After Daniel had left, I went back to my roof terrace and sat down. I wore my anti-glare glasses. I had to use them because my vision was so poor after my injury.
I thought about what had just happened:
How we started making out in my home gym and how sexy Daniel's naked body was.
I smiled while remembering all the sweet compliments he'd given me.
Then I thought how terrific it felt when he was eating my love hole.
I remembered his sweet cum shooting into my mouth.
And then, without doing anything special, my cock got amazingly hard.
It wasn't right away, but it was as hard as a stone when it finished rising.
It was so thick that it was a bit painful. I felt as if even more blood was trying to force its way into my already hard cock.
It felt as if I was having my morning boner. My cock stayed hard as long as I was thinking of Daniel and remembering our lovemaking.
I still didn't know that Daniel's cum would leak out of my love hole two weeks later while I was screaming and shooting cum all over myself.
At that moment, on my roof terrace, all I knew was that after four terrible months, I'd got my erection back.