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Before Danny became "straight", I licked his balls one last time.

A month ago, I wrote about the first time I'd swallowed cum. I was only 9, but I already knew that I liked cock. Like a thirsty animal, I licked every drop of cum I could find that morning.

I still take great pleasure in eating cum.

You can read more about how I started liking cum so much here:

I was only 9 when I started enjoying cock


Why am I telling you this story again?


Because I keep getting messages from blog followers about their sexual past. These messages remind me how lucky I am regarding my sexuality, my life, and my freedom. I want to share a few of these stories (anonymously, of course).


But first, let's take a quick look at my gay history.


Age 4 or 5: I remember seeing another boy's cock and thinking how beautiful it was.


Age 7: I started playing with boys my age. I attempted to suck a few of them.


Age 9: Sucked my first manly cock and swallowed delicious seed for a month.


Age 10-11: My first boyfriend, Shay. We were together for two years. He was two years older than me.


Age 12-14: My second boyfriend, Danny. He was also two years older than me.


Danny was the first guy who tried to fuck me (but failed). We were too young and naive, but I already knew I wanted to get fucked. I didn't know how to do it then.


He broke my heart when he'd decided to stop seeing me. I'll share with you what happened later in this post.


By the way, referring to Shay and Danny as my past "boyfriends" is somewhat misleading. It was nowhere near the same as what I now share with Felix.


No words can describe how much I love Felix.

I don't think that I loved my first two "boyfriends". It was more about fun and lust. Also, since they were older than me, I viewed them as older brothers who let me serve their cock and swallow their seed. I admired them for being older, stronger and with a much bigger penis than mine.


Age 16: Got fucked for the first time. It was also the first time a guy shot cum in my ass (twice in a row).


Age 17: Was raped by an older man.

You can read about it here:

Raped @ 17 - Part 1

Age 18: Became a soldier in an elite infantry unit. Shortly after sucked the first of many cocks during my army service.


Age 19: While serving in Lebanon, saw my first uncut cock and got fucked by it in the showers. The guy fucking me was a Christian officer from Lebanon.


Age 20: Got double penetrated for the first time by two guys who were on reserve duty. I was alone with them in an isolated army post for a whole weekend. It made perfect sense to try to take both of them in my horny ass because we were bored out of our minds.


Age 25: Became a nudist.

One thing is missing from my gay journal: my coming out story.


It's missing because it never happened.


There was never an official announcement because I'd never tried to hide the fact I love cock. Whenever someone asked me, I admitted to being a bottom.


I can't pretend to be someone that I'm not because I'm too damn honest and a horrible liar.


I know that there are a lot of men who pretend to be attracted to women. However, I'm incapable of doing so. I have no desire to be sexually intimate with a woman. Sometimes, though, women mistake me for a straight guy.


I also get a lot of "hot" emails from female blog followers.

But even if I desired both men and women, I wouldn’t be able to hide my hunger for cock and thirst for cum from my wife or girlfriend.


Therefore I had no real choice.


I had to live my life as a gay bottom. But that doesn't mean that l’m unfortunate. .


I'm extremely fortunate for these reasons:

  • My family, for the most part, is very supportive.

  • My army buddies didn't bother that I like cock. They used to joke about it.

  • None of my straight friends cared.

  • I've experienced very little homophobia during my life.

  • I live in a time and place where I can be openly gay.

  • I've never been under pressure to marry and have kids.

  • I've never been terrified that I'd get caught with another boy/man.

Sadly, so many people aren't as lucky as me.


Here's one example:

"I'm a fit 60-year-old, married to a woman, male. Never really been into guys now, curious. Have to be sensitive to privacy, so where should I look to find the same hookup?"

I meet so many men like him at the nudist beach.


They come from the nearby town and pretend to be walking for the fun of it. But I can tell even from afar that they are eager for a different kind of fun.


I see the hunger in their eyes when they examine my naked body.

They try to hide their gaze, but the rising bulge in their shorts turns them in. However, most of them are at first more interested in my ears than my cock or ass.


They want to talk and share with me their pain and sexual hunger. I'm a good listener, and often we speak, and nothing else. Other times, their hot cum ends on my face, mouth, upper body, on my ass or even inside my ass.


You can read about one of these married guys here:

Becoming a marriage counselor.


That's his delicious seed on my naked body:

Here's an excerpt from another blog post about sex with a married guy named Ethan:

"Once my wife found condoms in the glove box, and she made a huge fuss about it. I told her that she should be happy that I use condoms and protect myself. Had she known that I use condoms only when I fuck women and that I bareback guys, I don't think she would have taken it so well. In any case, I think she also fucks with other men."

You can find the story of how Ethan made love to my ass here:

Once and for all: Is my hole a Cunt or an Anus?


Younger guys also ask for my help.


Here's a message that I received from a guy who lives in a Muslim country. I don't want to give any details about him for obvious reasons:


"Hi, Theon,
First, you're one of the hottest persons that I saw, but it's off-topic right now. 😜
I'm an inexperienced closet gay bottom. I gave a couple of hand jobs and kissed with a few guys, and that's it. I really, really want to be in a relationship with tops and feel the joy of being submissive.
But I'm so pussy to have real sex because of STD's and especially HIV. Of course, a condom is a must to have safe sex, but I read articles about it, and as you know, there are some risks about condoms (tearing issue, etc.)
Unfortunately, in the country where I live right now, Prep is unavailable.
I don't trust condoms for being the only protection method. And this makes me avoid real sex, which drives me depressive, sad, and dissatisfied.
As an experienced gay guy, are there any suggestions that you can guide me about my concerns?"

When I was his age (25), I've completed my sexual freedom transformation by becoming a nudist.


I've had nine years of experience as a bottom. Prep wasn't yet invented, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the pleasures of (mostly safe) anal sex. I've had more experience with cock at the age of 10 than he has at 25!


But there's more:


Clearly, he has no one with whom to discuss his fears with. He has no friends, no family, no lovers, and most importantly, no health care provider to consult with.


Worse, in Muslim culture, bottoms are despised because they are seen as women. A Muslim guy with whom I fucked at the beach told me: "As long as I fuck you, I'm a man and not gay. You're gay, but I'm not."


That's absurd! I'm also a man, even though I don't fuck!

I sent him a long explanation about safe sex. Here's his response:

"It's so kind of you to explain in detail, Theon. That means a lot to me since people avoid telling real-time experiences; they emphasize only fun parts.
I wish we could meet and share a cup of coffee or more someday (even though you are also a bottom…)
Lots of kisses and hugs."

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He also sent me his photo. He's such an adorable young man.


My heart goes out for him.


Before sharing a response that brought tears to my eyes, I want to tell you how my second boyfriend broke up with me, because it's related to it.


My parents were abroad, and I was alone for the weekend. It was the last weekend of the summer break. Sunday morning, I had to return to the boarding school. I was 14, and Danny, who'd been my boyfriend for the last two years, was 16.


We spent the whole weekend together at my parents' and fucked non-stop. As always, he wasn't successful in fucking me (he had a very thick cock) but that didn't stop us from enjoying our young naked bodies.


I devoted most of my attention to his thick cock while Danny focused on my ass.


He licked, ate, and fingered my ass many times but failed to fuck me doggie-style, despite numerous attempts

Today, I know that the best way to open my ass is to ride a cock. Doggie was perhaps the worst position to open a tight virgin hole like mine.


We shared our seed 11 times.


Saturday after midnight, we shared our seed for the 10th time (he shot his cum on my hole and I shot mine on myself). We were going to sleep naked as always. Danny loved hugging me from behind and loading my smooth crack with his hot cum first thing in the morning (sometimes also in the middle of the night).


To this day, that's my preferred way of falling asleep. A thick hairy cock, pressed onto my smooth ass.

Instead of hugging me, Danny told me that he didn't want us to see each other ever again. I immediately started crying because I thought I'd done something wrong.


Danny was no longer funny or loving. He was suddenly impatient:

"You didn't do anything wrong.
It's fun playing with your ass, and you give great head. But I don't want to live like that. I want to be accepted. People know you're gay, and they see me a lot with you. It makes them believe that I'm like you.
I'm not like you!
I want to have kids one day and a wife."

He stayed over because it was too late, and he had no means to go back home. We slept naked, but for the first time, he didn't hug me while sleeping.


On waking, I noticed that Danny's red cock was hard, but his eyes were staring at the ceiling. I began caressing his balls, and immediately his penis started oozing precum. I knew that his cock would do that because it was always the same. Whenever I played with his balls, his manly juices started flowing.


I carefully licked his seed with my tongue; he still didn't object. I continued by kissing & eating his hairy balls and byservicing his thick tool with my mouth.


He didn't mind it, even though he didn't moan or grab my head as he used to. I took my time because I feared this would be the last time I would have the pleasure of playing with his amazing cock.


For 20 minutes, I gently played with his cock, balls, and hairy hole while caressing his entire body. I wanted to kiss him but there was a new distant look in his eyes that kept me from trying.


After 20 minutes, Danny lost his patience. He grabbed my head and started fucking my mouth with force.


In a matter of minutes, he yelled, and I swallowed his delicious cum but kept some of it in my mouth to use as lube for my cock.


To help me cum, I rubbed my love hole against his wet cock.

I'd done it so many times before with Danny (and a few times with other boys).


I loved the feeling of his cock kissing my hole even though it had never been inside my tunnel of love. In the past, Danny encouraged me to cum and looked into my eyes while playing with my balls.


However, that morning, he didn't object but turned his head and closed his eyes.


Nevertheless, I screamed and experienced my 11th orgasm of the weekend. My seed was on Danny's face and upper body. I wanted to lean forward, feel my warm cum rubbing against my body and his, kiss his lips, and lick my cum off his beautiful face.


But our kissing days were over.


"I'm going to take a shower downstairs, alone. Then I think I'd better leave."


That was the last time I saw him.


The last thing I saw of him was his sexy, somewhat hairy ass going out of the room. It made sense, I guess, since he turned out to be an ass.


When I got out of the shower, he was already gone.


Two years later, shortly after I got fucked for the first time, I tried to contact him.


I was hoping to win his heart (or at least his terrific cock) by giving him my ass. He'd expressed his desire to fuck me many times, but it never happened because my hole was too tight and I was too nervous about it.


I was also hoping that even if he refused to have sex with me, we could still be friends.


He was over 18 and already in the army.

"Theon, never call me again! If you try to visit me, I'll hit you. I have a new life, a girlfriend. I don't want to think of the things we did. It's disgusting!
I hope that you also find a girlfriend!"

After he hung up, I just sat there, frozen, my face red. Then, I started crying. In a sense, it was worse than our break-up.


20 years later, I found him on Facebook.


It was weird.


I remembered him as a 16-year-old skinny teenager with a big cock and a smooth upper body. I could still see that teenager in the face of the 36-year-old man staring at me. However, he'd became hairy and was no longer skinny.


I saw photos of his wife and kids: two boys and a girl.


Compared to Danny, I hadn't changed that much. True, I no longer looked like a young teenager but I still had the young, happy look in my eyes...


... and the same amount of body hair as when I was 16.

Here’s the message referred to earlier which brought tears to my eyes and which brought Danny to mind. He will probably write a similar text years from now:

"Hey Theon, I thoroughly enjoy your blogs and your honesty. Your attention to detail and your sincerity.
I'm a 72-year young gay man who officially came out at the age of 69. Oh, the relief! No more hiding, no more lies. Circumstances prior to then kept me in that dark closet, but I can assure you when the time was right, I blew the hinges off that door!
I've led a full life. I have kids and grandkids.
It was my choice. Actually, I didn't have a choice back in 1970. To have a family, I had to marry a woman, which I did.  Now I'm free. Sure, I wish I found my freedom while I was younger and more flexible.
I look forward to your next blog and another look into the guy who I could have been.  
I love you, man. Take care and be well."

His words, about me being the guy he could have been, were so beautiful yet sad. I'm honored that he sees me as a role model, but I hope that young men who read my blog will never have to feel like him when they are older.


Please don't wait your entire life to be the "guy you could have been."


You only live once.


I'm so happy for him that he finally came out. I always tell people that it's never too late to embrace your gayness or bisexuality. Indeed, some men in their 80s have shared coming out stories with me.


But you don't need to wait!


I share with you my life openly and with full honesty because I want others to learn how to be happy.


I want you to be proud of who you are.


- at least as proud as I am about my life.

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winter 2021