How long did it take me to recover from my brain injury?

Two days ago, I was sitting in a coffee house with my boyfriend Felix, my sister and brother-in-law, and a few friends.


We toasted and wished each other a "Happy New Year!".


"And, most importantly, for all of us to stay healthy," said my sister.


One of my friends, whom I hadn't seen for over a year, asked me if there was any improvement in my condition.


I felt a bit agitated since I'm not particularly eager to talk about my disability, especially among friends.


"No, it's about the same," I answered.

I don't need reminders that some of my neurons are gone.
I don't need reminders that some of my neurons are gone.

"But you told me that there was some improvement," Felix interrupted.


"Yes," I thought to myself. "I told you, but I don't want to discuss it with the whole world!"


Felix's sad and worried expression almost made me cry.


It's very unusual to see Felix sad or upset.

He's such an optimistic guy!
He's such an optimistic guy!

"Yes, there's some improvement, but it's marginal and possibly just my imagination," I answered, and that was also the truth.


After the meal, Felix drove me back to my apartment but didn't stay over. It allowed me to go over some photos from two years ago and remember how terrible that period of my life had been.


What happened to my brain two years ago?


First of all, here's a summary of my pre-condition that was the leading cause (but not the reason) for what happened.


There's a particular area in my skull where the capillaries and the neurons are crammed together in a very tight place.


As in Gaga's song, "I was born this way."


It's even tighter than my anus!

Unlike my hole, however, that part of my brain can't loosen up.
Unlike my hole, however, that part of my brain can't loosen up.

On average the diameter in that location is 0.5 (whatever that number means). In my skull it's zero. In other words, if my blood pressure drops too fast and too much, the capillaries have no room to expand, and they would blow up.


That's what happened to me on standing up too quickly right after waking up.


It was after a wild night of getting fucked for five hours by two studs. We'd also smoked and had a lot to drink.


They fucked me in every room of my apartment, including the roof terrace.

I'm still in touch with the younger guy.
I'm still in touch with the younger guy.

The younger guy, who was in his 20s, loaded my hole three times.


The older guy and I came twice.


It was a lot of fun.


I'd done it many times before (getting fucked for a few hours while drinking and smoking). But the reaction of my body this time was different.


After they had left, I collapsed on this sofa in my living room.

The sofa was the last place where both of them had fucked me
The sofa was the last place where both of them had fucked me

On waking up and standing right away, my blood pressure sharply dropped, and I immediately felt that something was horribly wrong with my brain.


The doctors don't know why it happened that morning since I didn't do anything that I hadn't done before. There are risk factors, and I went through many medical tests.


Everything checked out fine, so the only reason was my age.


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As with many illnesses, age is the primary risk factor.


The fact that I work out and am in top shape have misled me.

I can't behave as if I'm still in my 20s!
I can't behave as if I'm still in my 20s!

9 PM, two days later, my parents convinced me to go to the emergency room to figure out why my vision, hearing, concentration, coordination, and even my ability to walk and drive were impaired.


Without a doubt, it was the worst night of my life, especially since I had to deal with the terrible news all by myself.


I love being alone, outdoors, and indoors, but not in times like that.

I enjoy being on my own.
I enjoy being on my own.

In any case, I became 30% disabled, and it was pure hell during the first half-year.


I recovered thanks to the left part of my brain taking control.


Nowadays, you wouldn't be able to tell that something is "different" or "wrong" with me. Of course, I will never be the same again. The only time I don't feel disabled is while sleeping.


The neurologist who gave me the final diagnosis told me that there's a 25% chance that a similar event will happen to the left side of my brain within the next five years.


If that happened, I would probably become 90% disabled, and my life as I know it would be over.


But I don't live in fear.


I'm happy, lovable, fuckable, optimistic as before, but I do cry at night every few months out of fear of the future.


When I do, Felix doesn't need to ask me what's wrong. Instead, he hugs me until I stop crying.


He gives me so much strength!

Because of my possible future disability, I was confident that no one would want to share his life with me.
Because of my possible future disability, I was confident that no one would want to share his life with me.

A month after visiting the E.R, I dared to go to the nudist beach.


I looked down at the Mediterranean as I've done so many times before.

The cliffs above the beach.
The cliffs above the beach.

However, this time, all I saw and heard was a blurry vision and a muffled noise. In addition, I had to walk slowly in order not to fall.


Eventually, I descended and went as far north as possible.


I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was especially terrified of seeing one of many beach fuck-buddies.


After walking for nearly a mile, I sat down cried a lot, and felt sorry for myself.

I felt ashamed for being disabled!
I felt ashamed for being disabled!

It was almost the end of the beach season, so there were few people to worry about. However, on future visits, I did get offers from guys that wanted to fuck me.


That's wasn't unusual since I'm always naked at the beach.


Occasionally I did let a beach fuck buddy breed me.

I didn't bother shooting my seed.
I didn't bother shooting my seed.

I lay on my stomach and let him fuck me until it was over. I didn't enjoy it, but I wanted to feel alive and experience the power of life being shot deep inside my ass.


Why didn't I want to experience an orgasm as well?


I was depressed and was taking a high dosage of steroids to treat the inflammation in my brain.

It killed my morning wood and my libido.

I was in a terrible state in body and mind.
I was in a terrible state in body and mind.

Two months later, in December, one of my closest friends (with whom I fucked a few times) came to my rescue. He was determined to cheer me up and suggested hiking together.


Hiking with a beautiful guy I've had sex with sounded like a fantastic idea, except I was in no mood. I was struggling to keep my job, my weight down and my cock up.


I was also still having difficulty walking. Still, he insisted, and it went pretty well even though I did cry once.


After I'd cried, he took out his camera and said: "Theon, give me your biggest smile."


"Come on," I told him, "I'm in no mood to smile."


He tried to convince me: "You have the most beautiful smile. Your eyes light up when you smile!"

I love hiking.
I love hiking.

"Well, in case you forgot, I just cried. There's no light in my eyes or in my life!"


He started taking photos of me, one after the other, and tried to make fun of it. "It's the right side of your brain that was damaged? Correct? I'll prove to you that you look as handsome as before, even when I take a photo of your right side."


His last comment had amused me, and so I made an effort to smile.

As you can see, I wasn't very successful.
As you can see, I wasn't very successful.

Looking at this photo, two years on, I recognize that I'm no longer that frightful, depressed guy...


...and I even have a more recent photo to prove it.

My smile is back.
My smile is back.

As for my morning boner and libido, they are too back.

My alarm clock.
My alarm clock.

Nowadays, I know that I will stay the same, no matter what, because I love my life too much.


Nothing can put me down, and no possible terrible future will make me lose my love, mercy, optimism, and happiness.


That's just who I am.

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