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"Better than Viagra"

Regret.


Regret is a heartrending emotion.


To me, regret represents the inability to return and change your life, to correct your mistakes. Think about all those missed opportunities. Or, consider all the things you regret not saying, or worse, the things that you did say and later wished you never did.


What about regretting your entire life?


What about regretting your entire life when you know you are dying?


In Judaism, hell is not about demons, fire, and pits. It is the feeling of regret. To be more precise, your soul will be tormented when it realizes how many opportunities you missed during your earthly existence. Your soul will see clearly, how you wasted your life. The regret you felt while you were alive will be nothing compared to what you will experience in hell.


This topic has been an interest of mine since 1999.


That's the year when Planescape: Torment was published. It is one of the most captivating games and a distinguished classic. It is all about dying and regret. The protagonist is tormented because of feelings of grief and regret.

Concept art of this classic

It's a game that genuinely changed my life. It has so much philosophy. It makes you think about your life long after you finished the game. Here are some of the many brilliant sentences in it:


"I may be bested in battle, but I shall never be defeated."


Or:


"Time is not your enemy. Forever is."


Why am I so morbid?


Am I dying?


And how is all of this related to Viagra?


Technically yes, I am dying. Every day brings me closer to that point. Despite popular belief, even vegans eventually die. But I am not dying prematurely, nor do I think about the end of my life.


I was thinking about death and regret two days ago, while I was hiking naked in the forest. I started clothed, then removed my clothes in this order: Shirt, shorts, and finally, my jocks. It felt great hiking naked, even though I was cold.

My thoughts about death and regret were in sharp contrast to feeling bustling with life as the cold wind was airing my ass and making my nipples hard and pointy.


I was having these thoughts, because of a friend of mine who is dying. A person I grew to cherish and respect during the last year.


More about him below.


Like every Monday, I worked from home. My fuck body, Dean, told me around 1 PM that he will not be able to come in the afternoon and warm his cock in my ass. I was disappointed but not by too much. Although Dean's hairy ass and thick cock are to die for, I already had an alternate plan:


To hike naked in the forest with Luka. I felt sorry for her being trapped indoors for so many days. As you can see, she was delighted to eat grass (and later puke it)

It has been a long time since I was in this beautiful forest.


Last time I was here, it was two months ago, on a Saturday with David. David is a bisexual that has a loving girlfriend. He cheats on her but only with me. She has no idea that he likes to fuck guys, and of course, she has no clue of our passionate lovemaking. We don't often meet because they live together, so it's hard for him to come up with an excuse to bring his big hard cock to me.


I never got to write about the two times we fucked outdoors. I only published two photos. In one photo, you can see David's stunning cock fucking me. This dominant lovemaking too place was while we were hiking close to Jerusalem.

The next photo is from the same forest where I hiked naked two days ago. David took this photo after we fucked, and you can tell by my smile how sweet he was.


Unlike the last time we fucked in the forest, now the scenery is green and fresh. Unlike the previous time, it was also abandoned. Except for an occasional deer, I was alone.


I was alone, but also quite cold.


I searched for a location where I could sit and think. I went deep into the forest, leaving the trail behind me. Finally, I found just the right spot. I sat down, smoked some weed, and thought about my dying friend, about regret, and about what several people told me about Felix (the guy I am dating).


What did people tell me about Felix?


People were surprised/shocked that I am dating someone. Their reaction was entirely unexpected, I must say, and somewhat disappointing. It appears that I somehow gave the impression I am not boyfriend material.


I think I can be a wonderful and loving boyfriend/husband.


It saddens me that people confuse my passion for having sex with different guys with not being able to have a relationship. This point of view is very narrow-minded in my eyes.


As for my dying friend:


He is dealing with the last stages of lung cancer. I try to support him in any way that I can. He lives in the States, so our contact is mostly with messages, and sometimes voice messages.


He sent me a message a few days ago:


"I've lost perfect opportunities because I was afraid to "cross that line" when I was younger. I didn't accept my sexuality until much later in life.


It's really sad.


Because I've missed out on so much. Now, this lung cancer is killing me, and I really haven't even lived yet, sexually.


Here I am, sixty years old, practically a virgin. And closing in on the end. And I never even had the chance to live.

I missed my chance."


If I had to pick, I'd say this is the saddest message I have ever gotten. I wanted to hug my friend and comfort him, but I did not know how to do it. How can you comfort a person that is so far away from you after reading something so tragic?


It took me several days to come up with an answer.


I did not want to sound artificial or superficial. Writing to my friend: "Everything will be fine," was the easiest thing to do. But he is too smart, and I respect him too much to write something so banal to him.


That is why I went hiking naked yesterday. I needed to get out of my comfort zone to come up with the right answer. Nudity is my utmost comfort zone, but exposing my cock to 50 degrees and a cold wind is not a comfort zone.


It's a frozen zone.


I also wanted to collect wild mushrooms for dinner with Felix on Wednesday. I wanted to surprise him with a unique dish.

I was looking for this type of mushroom

Sadly, the only mushroom that was in the forest is the one you see in the b&w photo below.


This particular red mushroom is not available for eating; it is not even possible to give it a blowjob. But, I don't mind if you lick my mushroom and my balls before continuing to my love hole.

This part of the forest was not so windy, and I sat on this rock while smoking weed and thinking. I remembered what my mom told me many years ago when I came out. We both cried. She was crying because she was afraid of my future.


"I am afraid that you will be a lonely old man that seeks sex with boys because no one loves him."


I want to show her what my friend wrote to me and tell her that there are far worse things than what she was afraid of. Imagine if I did not come out at such a young age or even at all. I would have missed everything this life has to offer.


How terrible it would have been to reach the end of my life consumed by regret and fear.


And of course, being gay does not equal being lonely. Feeling lonely has nothing to do with being straight or gay. It also has nothing to do with being in a relationship or being single. It has to do with what you do with your life.


When I came back, I wrote my friend a long email. Here is the fundamental part of it:


"Your statement was so sad to read.


Not because you say that you are dying.


Nothing is definite; I could be dead in an hour. Death is a part of life. You know I suffered brain damage, and I am at risk of losing the other part of my brain. If that happens, I don't think I would like to continue living.


What is sad here is that you have this feeling of loss, of losing your chance to be who you are in life.


You are still alive, and I believe that as long as you are alive, you still have a chance. A chance to love, to be loved, to experience."


I sincerely believe in the last part.


There is a famous story about a Rabbi who saw a cordwainer (a shoemaker) working late at night. That was before there was electricity, and his candle was about to burn out.


The Rabbi asked him: "Why are you working so late? your candle is almost gone."


The cordwainer replied: "As long as the candle is lit, I can still create new things and repair old ones."


The moral of the story is that our soul is the candle of our body. As long as our soul is lit, we can repair and create.


But what about Viagra?


This post has been severe and somewhat sad, and you may not think it has anything to do with the title that I have given it: "Better than Viagra."


But it does.


I wanted to lighten up this post with something funny. A person sent me a sweet message yesterday (I get so many). He finished his note saying that "your smooth ass is better than Viagra."


I thought that was hilarious.


According to this sweet guy, here is forest Viagra:

I don't know if my love hole is better than Viagra because I don't want to fuck mine (or any other holes). Please don't try taking this sort of photo yourself in this kind of weather. As you can see, it was so cold that my hole nearly disappeared because my ass was so tight.


Joking aside, you can't take Viagra for fixing your life or helping you repair your soul. For that, my friends, you need to work hard every day of your life.


As long as your candle is lit, there is hope for a change and for repairing your mistakes. You should use your regret as a force to move your life forward.


That is part of my core belief system, and accordingly, the way I try to live my life.

Click here to see my thick cock...

15.1.2020

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